WHEN LOVE DIES PART 16
I gently caressed her laps, my arms went a bit further upwards into the forbidden arena.
It was entruiging, alluring and mind blowing, but unfortunately , Dami was already fast asleep- bad luck and alcohol effects.
In as much I wanted to dive into her, it would be termed rape and far from love making.
*I still have a bit of self respect and dignity , we are not a Menagerie in human form.
I carefully untangled my arms and moved a few paces backwards. Turned and open the door, only to glance back at her for a while, beheld her curves then
shut the door firmly..
I hoped so dearly for the best and still afraid of the worst case scenario- loosing my husband to his work. He was within reach but I couldn’t grasp him even though I tried . The thought was scary enough.
I sat down. The chairs pinched me and I stood up immediately. My heart raced fast and I prayed: Lord bring him home safe tonight. Just let him come back.
” Mum? Is daddy back yet? Dave said as he wiped his face , getting rid of any sleep hangovers.
I must have woke him up with my frantic pacing up and down.
I glanced surreptitiously at the wall clock. The big Joe said” 11: 45 pm.
“No son” I said ” Go to your room and rest OK?.
“I’ ll wait for your father, until he comes back”
I felt huge amounts of sympathy in my bones, his facial expressions made me quiver with fear.
“I want to wait with you , please”
” No honey, I ‘ll be fine . Don’t worry about me” I said as my arms smoothly brushed his left shoulder ,raising him to his feet.
” Get up….let’s get you to bed. Its really late”
Dave sighed. Looked at the dinning table and said ” Mummy who is going to eat all these dishes you prepared? Too bad Daddy is not back yet and my appetite is gone”
I paused for some seconds , my eyes became heavy, a tear trickled down leaving the white balls glassy.
“Mummy, now you are crying” he continued ” Its my birthday and I should be sad, not you”
I felt a touch of ambivalence , laughter came forth and pain disapperaed.
I chuckled ” Haha..I’m sorry Dave… Mummy is too emotional”
His lips brightened my cheeks with a touch of love.
“Goodnight Mother..I love you so much”
“Goodnight baby, I love you so very much” I said while standing from my squatting position.
My mind tried to give answers to the rhetoritical questions in my head. *All of them would be answered tonight. **
The door creeked open I immediately feigned sleeep . I shut my eyelids perfectly without flinching .
I could feel his heart beat, it was really him. His breath was fresh. I sniffed his shirt like a rabbit when he kissed me on the forehead. Clean, no sweat and suspicious.
I opened an eye and saw him scanning the room with a surprise look on his face.
Oops!!! He nearly caught me peeking. I shut my eyes again penultimately before he turned.
“Love, love wake up” Gabriel tapped me on the shoulder.
“Wake up its late. Let’s go to bed”
I let one eye open like I was indeed aroused from a deep sleep.
“You could have at least called ” I began.
“Let me explain…..”
I cut him short and said” Please do just that! Your son was worried sick waiting for you since yesterday. You just came back this morning at 1am to explain. Explain what exactly?
I said checking the time.
*Calm down now Kate. Take it easy,* my mind was faster than my tongue. I wanted to let it all out. The anger overflowed . Oh help me lord.*—–
” Kate listen… ” He began again.
” I’ve tried listening for the past seven years. I have been listening…. I know we need money… Yes.. But what’s the essence of it ,if we can’t be happy?
His eyes betrayed his thoughts and I wanted an apology. *say it goddmit, just fuvking say it…say you ‘re sorry.
Then he unexpectedly shouted” OK fine , I go to work early and come back late.. So what’s the big deal huh? What?
I couldn’t believe my eyes , this was not my husband . This is not the Gabriel I gave my virginity , the man I sacrificed so much for. His eyes were blood shot with anger.
” Everything I do, I do for you and our son Dave” He continued ” its not just about me .. Can’t you see I’m tired huh? Cant you see ? I’m sick and tired of this poor life. I’m sick and tired of eating from hand to mouth”
” I grew up without a father, my mother and sister was all I had . I begged for food all my life. Now I’m trying so hard to give us a better life and you call me selfish?. Go on, tell the whole neighbourhood that your husband doesn’t sleep at home because he is working very hard” He said.
I was stoned with silence but then I got a bigger shock.
” Gabriel what happened to your ring? Where is it? I said trying to refrain from the thought.
He sighed.. ” Its in my bag”
” why would you put your wedding ring there? I said this time a bit calm but deep down I boiled with anger.
” Safety measures at work” He said.
I couldn’t believe my ears. Could my husband’s love for me be dead already? Did he place his work before us- me and my son? What have I done wrong?
He walked out on me and I caught his arm ” Please Gabriel, please….. What’s happening to you- to us? Tell me I want to understand” I said with tears in my eyes.
He brushed me off and said” Im being truthful and sincere, your problem is that you are doubting me”
I watched as he banged the door loudly behind him and broke down terribly into tears , crying my eyes out.