The BadBoy Diary
( She Still Love Him )
Written by, Rejoice Jeremiah. C
Time was up and now, I have to get going.
I held his hands warmly as I stared into his eyes and his on mine.
It felt wonderful. I’ve missed this.
“I’ll be back to see you. Since I can only visit twice in a week. I think that would be before friday,” I said.
“I’ll go now, you don’t worry okay? Everythinh’s gonna be alright ok?” I assured him.
He nodded,“I hope so.”
“And maybe when next I come, I’d like to talk with your dad,” I said.
“Why?” he asked.
“uhm to say Hi,” I said. It can’t be just Hi!
I pulled away my hands from his and stood up then carried the bag of untouched food.
“Bye for now Noah,” I said.
“Take care of yourself Clara, I love you,” he said.
“I love you too,” I said, then pecked him before walking out.
He came out with the cop and I turned and watched as he was lead towards the hallway leading to the cells.
I sighed and headed out of the building.
‘I know some people like my family would be disappointed in me for this but what can I do.
Like they say, love conquers all and like they say also, Love is blind. My love for Noah had conquered it all.
I love Noah and that is all that natter to me. I don’t care what anybody would say.
I love him and that is that.
Im going to keep loving him no matter the situation, no matter the pains and no matter the circumstance.
My Love for Noah can never stop and im ever gonna stay by him.
Some might say he deserve my fotgiveness but not my love acceptance anymore.
I followed my heart. My hear decided for me.
Im not gonna leave him not now that he needs me. Im gonna stand by him.
I will love him no matter what and that is what im gonna do. Love Noah and stay with him. I can’t leave him.
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I checked my wristwatch again, ’12:45pm’
‘If Clara came here then she’d be out by now.
I’ll wait a bit more.’
I was still inside the cab. I told the cab guy to stop close to the gate where i’d see her when she comes out (if my feelings ain’t decieving me)
I hope they are. I don’t wanna see her. If it gets to 1pm and she isn’t out yet then I’ll conclude she never came to the station to see Noah.
Maybe she went to Gra-Avantees but Clara can’t dress that way to work. Ever since I got to know her, she has never wore a trouser to work.
It’s obvioud that my feelings are right and ain’t decieving me.
“Well, I don’t think the person you’re actually spying on came here,” the cab guy said with a high shrug.
“I wish,” I said and fixed my eyes on the police station.
“I wish she isn’t,” I sighed.
“Can you tell me about it?” he said.
I ignored him and kept my eyes to the station.
Three minutes were gone and now it was 12:49pm.
I was already going to conclude that my thoughts were wrong afterall when I sighted her.
I felt my heart smash instanty, the very way it did when I caught Jennifer cheating on me.
She was heading towards the gate with the black bag and her purse.
I had no idea when I felt a tear drop from my eyes. The bitterness and pain that I felt were able to paralyse me.
I removed the eyeglass I wore, wiped it off and wore back the eyeglass.
She got to the gate and I hide my face as she began coming to the cab I was in.
“Go now please!” I managed to tell the cab guy and he immediately ignited his car and as Clara waved at him, he zoomed pass her.
I looked back to see her glance at the police station then back to the road.
“Seem’s she’s the one right?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said, “my mind was right after all.”
“Is she your girlfriend or wife? seem’s one,” he said.
I chuckled at that, then removed the eyeglass and wiped another tear that dropped from my eye. I wore back the eyeglass.
“She’s not. Please no more question, just drive,” I said.
He said nothing again.
I pushed my hair back as I tried my best to hold back my tears.
‘Why should I shed tears when Im not yet sure if she went there to tell him that she still love him. What if she went to tell him how much she hate and detest him and can’t forgive him no matter what he say.
What if it wasn’t really to accept him back?
I can’tconclude yet.
So i’ll keep still till I hear the truth from her then make my decision according to her answers.
“I told you son,” dad said and I couldn’t stop my smile.
Finally I still have Clara.
This is a defintion of true love. Clara truely is inlove with me and nothing else matters.
Im happy nobody is gonna take her away from me.
She’s all mine and would forever be!
He pulled the cab infront of maymack and I paid him extra.
“Thanks man,” he said.
I opened the door to go out.
“Take it easy on her man,” he said. I gave him a faint smile, went out and shut the door. He drove away.
I walked to my car and opening the driver’s door, I sat down and tapped my finger on the steering wheel as I waited for Clara to get back because im sure she is not yet back. And when she does, i’ll won’t delay to throw her the question.
With an anxious heart, I waited for her.
I recalled I haven’t even waten. Im not hugry, the anxiety and bitterness that I was feeling supersedes the hunger.
I’ve not had my bathe too.
I’ll go do that and await her return.
I shut the car after coming out and headed to my apartment.
I walked in and headed to my bedroom and then my bathroom.
I had a quick bathe and pulled into a black short and white polo. I dried my hair and combed it.
Im sure Clara is back now.
I slide my feet into a black slippers and after picking my phone, walked out of the bedroom and headed to the kitchen.
I opened the fridge and gulped down an energy drink and trashed the bottle.
Maybe it would give me some strength to face Clara.
It’s either I face heartbreak or I profess my love, one of the two.
I walked out to Clara’s apartment and rang the doorbell.
A minute, the door was opened. She still wore same clothe but flipflops on her feet now.
I let out a smile cos she smiled.
“Clara,” I called. She moved outta the door and I walked in and closed the door.
My fear began.
“Seems like you went out,” I said, pretending not to be aware.
She turned and faced me. “Yeah I did,” she said.
I swallowed as anxiety filled up my stomache.
“Uhm why didn’t you call me to go with you and where is that?” I asked.
She turned her back on me and crossed her arms.
“To see Noah,” she said.
I inhaled. She didn’t deny it.
“You you saw Noah. You went to see him after seeing him yesterday?” I asked.
“Yes I did. I thought deep about it and I came to realize that he deserves-” she turned to face me,.“-that he deserves my forgiveness,” she said.
I swallowed. “And you forgave him?”
“Yes I did,” she answered.
“And only that?” I asked.
She uncrossed her arms, “Nop.”
I felt my world crumbling instantly.
“Clara what again?” I asked anxiously.
My heart was pounding out so loudly. I felt she was hearing it.
She wasn’t talking?
“Clara talk to me,” I said.
She rubbed her palms together then brushed her hair with her palm, then folded her arms back but then dropped them again.
“Cmon Clara,” I urged her impatiently.
I wonder if my voice was loud.. I wasn’t even hearing it.
She folded back her arms, “I- I let him know that I love him and would stand by him. I still love him Drake. I still love him. I can’t stop myself from loving him.” She finally killed me.
I took her hands, “Clara you did what!”
“It’s the truth Drake. I still love Noah, he still deserve my love. I can’t hate him. I don’t wanna get over him snymore but I wanna stand by him now. Im still inlove with him.” she said.
I left her hands and pushed my hair back with the the most painful bitterness that i’ve ever felt.
How could you do this to me Clata?
“Clara how could you? What do you even think! yes you forgave him, fine but accepting him back. Did you even think about it. What if he’s sentenced to twenty years imprisonment. What if all he said were lies!! how could you!” I yelled, not believing how loud I did.
She stared at me.
“How could you do this!” I shook her. “How could you make such quick decisions without thinking deep about it! What is wrong with you!” I yelled.
“C’mon you are hurting me Drake,” she said and I let go of my hands on her shoulders and pushed my hair back.
“Im sorry but it hurts. It hurts to see you make such decisions without thinking deep about it. We are friends. Why couldn’t you tell me!”
“You are yelling so loud Drake. Can you stop? I thought deep about it and I realized it’s the right thing. I know everyone is gonna be against it but I love him. He makes me happy. He makes me smile. He protected me. He love me. I can’t leave him now,” she said.
I shook my head with tears gathered in my eyes.
“But Im in-” I was about to say but I couldn’t.
Not when she still love Noah.
Not when she just told me how he makes her feel.
She still love him and professing of my love now wouldn’t change anything. No.
Who knows, it might eveb make her stay away from me but not to worry Clara, im gonna be the one to stay away now.
To leave you to be happy with your boyfriend.
Since he makes you happy. Since you can’t stop yourself from loving him and you never considered me.
Im going away from you, far away to a place where i’d try my best to stop my love for you. That is what im gonna do.’
I inhaled, holding back the tears that were struggling to drop but I wasn’t lettingg them.
She musn’t see my tears. She doesn’t deserve to. She can go see her boyfriend’s own not mine.
“It’s okay Clara, if he he makes you happy and you can’t stop yourself from loving him then I can’t stop you. Do what makes you happy. I’ll be at my apartment. I’ll check on you later,” I said and with that I headed to the door but she called me. I didn’t turn cos a tear had already rolled down my left eye.
“Drake im sorry that I couldn’t keep to my promise. I still love Noah and I can’t leave him no matter the situation, he needs me now,” she said.
I nodded. “It’s fine. It’s your decision. Just keep to what makes you happy,” I said then walked out and slammed the door shut.
My tears poured uncontrollable as I headed to my apartment.
I got into my sitting room and filled myself with alcohol. Too much alcohol, one, two, three, four, five.. I kept drinking till I couldn’t keep up again.
“I hate this hell life of mine! i’ve never gotten what I want!! What the fuck is wrong with me!” I yelled and threw the whole empty bottles to the floor. They shattered into pieces.
“Why the hell did I love again! why the damn fuck did I fell inlove again!!” I cried bitterly.
My tears poured without control.
I gulped down the remaining bottle and threw it away. It landed on the wall and smashed to pieces.
I dropped my face on the counter.
“Im not ever gonna love again. No more!” I mumbled.
“My feelings have been taken for granted again.”
“She wants to be happy with him. Then fine I’ll let her.”
I turned my head to the other side.
“Im leaving this damn place. Im going far away from here to start a new life. A new life that have to do with my old life. I’ll resume my playboy life. The clubber, the smoker and loud music player. The pervert that I was. Im gonna meet new girls, fuck them and dump them. And this time. I’ll make sure I don’t give a damn about feelings again.”
“Yes that is all i’ll do.”
“Yes that what im gonna do,”
“Yes that is….. all im gonna do.”
I rubbed my forehead with a sigh with my head on the couch backrest.
‘Everyone is gonna be against me on this but im not gonna listen to them.
Come to think of it, Drake was annoyed at first but then he understood and told me to do what makes me happy.
He understand that love is a burning fire very hard to quench.
I like the way he understood. I don’t wish to loose Drake as a friend.
Once my mom or Danelle hears about this, I know how mad they are gonna be and all they are gonna say.
Well pretty good, I got no phone now. That is easy, till im ready to face their lousy sting. I’ll know what to tell’em.
The love I have for Noah is unquenchable, it can’t stop.
I have to shower and eat, then take a nap.
Work starts tomorrow and maybe I’d see Noah on wednesday.
I wonder why I have to meet Noah only twice in a week.
If they’d make it three or four days. I’do be much happy but anyways I don’t mind. I’d make sure I see him each week till the law deides.
I don’t mind standing as a witness.’
I stood up, picked the remote and played Celine Dion tracks ‘Because You Love Me’ began playing out.
I dropped the remote and headed to the bedroom.
[hours later] “Ughhhh!!” I yelled and flung my phone to the bed in anger.
“Please don’t smash the phone. We still need it for your interview tomorrow.” she said. I hissed.
She was sitting on the cushion in my bedroom, operating on her laptop. (I wonder if she’s aware that my dad is around)
I sat on the dressing stool.
“A simple advise from a dear friend Brenda, you don’t wanna listen. Fine then,” she said with a high shrug.
“The new idea of ignoring my calls id the most annoying one. Gosh! when will I be able to have him when? The way he touched me that night.. the way he made me feel..” I closed my eyes as I recalled the super amazing one night with Drake.
“He’s so hot Nikky! I mean you need to see this guy!” I said.
“I’ve been seeing his pictures on your phone and laptop so I concur. He’s hot!” she said.
I smiled as i bit my bottom lip, “I must have this guy Nikky, it’s not just the sex, im inlove with him, I swear.”
“You’ve been telling me that,” she said.
I breathed out.
“Im gonna have Drake, I must,” I said.
“C’mon you weak me Brenda. How do you think you’re gonna achieve that? The guy isn’t some robot you could just press ‘Love Me’ and he would immediately ‘Fuck me hard or slowly’ he would obey. Come on friend,” Nikky said.
I sighed. “Im still thinking about it,” I said.
“Alright, let me on it when you are done thinking,” she said.
I stood up and went to my phone. I picked it up from the bed and scrolled to my message box.
Drake, no matter what you do, you can keep ignoring my calls and snubbing my texts but you gotta understand that I won’t stop loving you and trying hard till you love me and be mine. Goodnight my love. I sent it to him then I smiled at Nikky who chuckled.
I rolled my eyes at her.
“You won’t understand cos you’ve never been inlove,” I said to her.
She laughed. “I don’t believe in that shit. But if I were to be in your shoes, sweetie I’d fire bullets into every skull being an obstacle. Yuck!” she said.
I shook my head and went to the cushion where she sat.
“So who are you gonna kill this time?” I asked as I sat down on the armrest and saw she was playing a game.
We both chuckled.
“Nikky can you tell me about Dr. Campbell, why he hired you to murder the Helen Morgan, pleaseeeeeeee,” I begged.
I can’t forget that the thirty five million was complete.
She chuckled and paused the game.
“Alright then,” she smiled at me.