*MY MOTHER IS A VIRGIN*
After a week of their wedding mama was still a virgin. Her husband had not had time to touch
her and make her a woman. Mama was a novice and was indifferent too. She had nooneclose to her who could guide her on what is expected of husband and wife. Only Mrs. Bala kept
checking on mama. Those visits were too short for her to notice her daughter is still a virgin
after weeks of her marriage. All the time Mrs. Bala visited she never met mama’s husband at
home. The last visit that broke the camel’s back was seven weeks after. Mama became worried
that her husband had not touched her after seven weeks but she lacked the courage to confide
in her god mother.
‘I would have invited you as one of our guest speakers in our annual retreat organized for
deportees but you don’t need much stress now at this time, Mrs. Bala told mama.’ But what stress is in speaking to people? Mama replied. Mrs.Bala gave her a strange look; she looked straight into her eyes,touched her by the shoulder and asked “aren’t you feeling different in your body?” Mrs.Bala was trying to investigate if mama was already pregnant. ‘Feeling how ma?’
Mama asked. Then Mrs. Bala asked “are you pregnant?”.Mama paused for some seconds and replied with a heavy sigh. ‘Why did you sigh that way? Is anything the matter Funmi? You know you can confide in me,’ Mrs. Bala told mama. Instead of her words to explain her predicament,
her tears did it. Mama busted into tears, Mrs. Bala came close, ‘tell me my daughter was is it?’
My husband has not touched me since we got married; in fact I’m still a virgin.Mrs.Bala
screamed in amazement,’ what? She immediately controlled her emotions and began to ask
mama some questions.’
Mrs. Bala gave mama an hour lecture and prepared her to make the first move when her
husband returned back from work that night. Likeshewastaught, she prepared his favourite
meal and got him to take a cold shower after meal. Their bedroom was decorated with a nice
fragrance with the bed looking attractive. Sgt Musa thought it was as usual as he climbed the
bed to sleep then mama dragged him close to her and whispered to him “make me a woman.” In
shock and confusion, Oga was speechless. But the handwriting on mama’s face showed she
won’t take a no for an answer today. Mama did all Mrs. Bala taught her but her husband was not
responding. All her efforts didn’t yield any positive result that night. Mama went to bed still a
Life is full of irony. Here is a woman whom men had begged and forced into having sex with
them all her life begging her own husband to make love to her after several weeks of her
wedding. It was difficult for mama to explain to Mrs. Bala what transpired between herself and
her husband after the one hour lecture given to her. Her virginity she kept and fought for all her
life is now useless. The virginity she kept as a surprise gift for her husband on her wedding night
is being rejected by the man she kept it for. The same virginity that cost Bayo his life what an
irony. The price mama paid on her virginity became worthless. Her years of suffering in jail
began to cause her pain. Maybe I should have given it to those who desperately desired it’, mama thought.
What is happening to mama’s husband?
Why has he not taken the gift kept for him for many years?
What is the value of virginity to a married woman?
*MY MOTHER IS A VIRGIN*
Mama had made the most terrible mistake of her life. Her husband is an impotent man. ‘Please
cover my nakedness, I’m not a real man,’ Sgt Musa begged mama as she insisted he either make her a woman or she leaves. Mama wept all through the night. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you
are not complete before taking me to the registry?You are a wicked man, you’re self-centered
and evil.’ Mama rained insults on her impotent husband. ‘I know I have offended you my love but
please find a place in your heart to forgive me. I have never told anybody about my challenge
except my mum.’ He was on his knees all through the night begging mama.
What a trial of faith for a woman of faith. If mama is your sister what will you advice her to do
after sacrificially fighting all her life to keep her virginity for her husband? Now her husband has
no hand to take the special gift from his wife. This is a case of giving out a precious gift to a
man whose hands are amputated and giving nothing to a man whose hands are willing to
receive the gift. The case of mama and her husband was like giving meat to a toothless dog.
As a good christian what will mama do after keeping herself all these years only to marry to a
man who deceived her into marriage; an impotent man who cannot do to his wife what other
men do to their wives in their inner chamber. Should she walk away on the basis that he lied to
her or on the basis that he is an impotent man? Or she should stay with her husband and keep
trusting God for a miracle? Don’t forget mama is already 45 and approaching menopause. If she
walks away can she remarry?
Sgt Musa did not allow mama to lack anything. Before she asked, he had provided. He had a
large savings because he was the last born of his family and he had no one to cater for. His
siblings were comfortable and could take care of their aged parents without asking him for any
contribution. He gave mama a good life but she was not a fulfilled woman. The good life meant
nothing to mama without a future. Her life was more miserable than when she was in jail. The emotional trauma began to steal her joy of salvation. Mama who used to be a vibrant Christian
became lukewarm. The pride of her virginity became worthless and useless. Mama’s life was a
summary of calamities in calamities.
Will mama backslide?
Will she walkaway?
Will she stay by her husband?
What is her hope in this marriage?
Who did mama offended? Why is she always entering into trouble?
Why did God allow her marry an impotent man after years of right standing?
Many unanswered questions
*MY MOTHER IS A VIRGIN*
Mama being a woman of faith accepted her fate in good faith. The first year of her marriage
was characterized with constant quarrels and fight. What will you do for a woman who waited
for the right man for over 40years that will make her happy without her feeling the man as a woman? Those who says sex is not important in marriage should ask mama what she went
through being in a sexless marriage from day one of her marriage. Her hope of raising godly
seeds became an unfulfilled dream. Who will make her pregnant when her husband is impotent?
Will mama commit adultery to have her own children? I’m mama’s daughter yet my mother is a
From mama’s story I realized everybody must not have a normal destiny. What is normal is
defined by your understanding of life. In life, some run their race using legs, some bicycle, some
use motorcycle; others use car and some use aircraft. Those who use legs and those who use
aircraft will all arrive at their destinations at the time appointed by God. Somepeople’s
destinations are very far hence they need an aircraft while for some; it’s just a stone throw that requires their legs to get there. It may seem as if the man on the aircraft is enjoying more than
the man trekking but what is important to heaven is whether they both reach their destination or
not. Mama’s life’s journey was tough and rough but I must confess she reached her destination.
In life, it is needless comparing your life’s journey with others. Mama moved on. Her lack of
education posed a big challenge to her destiny but thank God for an angel like Mrs. Bala who
found a treasure in mama and decided to believe in her. No matter how much you are hated or
rejected, destiny will always position someone to believe in you, that person was Mrs. Bala. She
pushed mama until the best came out of her; mama became a blessing to her generation. Many
people have everything they want in life but they are never fulfilled. Mama was far from getting
all she wanted but her contributions to human development gave her a fulfillment money and
material things could not give her. Her faith became stronger again; her love for her husband
was restored back in spite of him being impotent and life began to have meaning again. Mama
drew strength from God daily; her busy schedules made her forget her sorrows by the day. God
in his infinite mercy and grace gave mama unusual strength from the inside. She worked closely
with Mrs. Bala allthrough.
On the 23rd of July 1995, the police invited Mrs. Bala and her team to evacuate a baby
abandoned by the roadside by an unknown mother. Mama was there when the police officer
called her office. ‘Mrs. Musa, I have an emergency I must attend to now, Mrs. Bala told mama.
Why can’t I go with you?’ Mama asked Mrs. Bala. ‘Of course if you are willing we can go together. They quickly jumped into Mrs. Bala’s official Peugeot 504 and zoomed off.
It was a beautiful baby girl. Mama on seeing the way the baby was exposed to the cold couldn’t
hold back her tears. Her tears moved everyone around to tears. Mama’s tears were tears of a childless woman who needed a child desperately, having seen another woman throwaway such a precious gift in this manner. She wept bitterly. No one in the company knew why mama’s tears
was that bitter except Mrs. Bala. Life was an irony indeed.
Let’s go to the next episode…..