DESTINY TO LOVE – PART 35
Chapter Thirty Five
With a heart filled with emotions that I couldn’t describe. I stepped into the building. I don’t know how to face him.
Let your feelings lead you…
It’s okay for you to fall in love…
Everyone needs someone to be her
prince charming, a knight in a
Maybe you both were destined to
These words from our last night conversation kept on playing in my mind. Maybe they both are right…
I should give it a try… Should I??
Yes! I’m not going to step back. I’m
going to teach my heart to love
But what if I ended up being hurt?
What if I ended up broken? I should
step back. It’s not late now.
I’m not ready yet. I made up my mind and entered his office.
He was sitting in his usual seat, wearing a black suit. His head creased in a frown while he was going through a file. He looked so sexy like that, so hot.
Wait! Snap out! You are falling for his
Falling? Haven’t you already fallen?
Uuh! Shut up!
I was internally arguing when his eyes met mine. My heart did a flip and my stomach twisted.
Stop that. Stupid heart!
He stood up and with long strides, he was standing right in front of me. And in a flash, I was crashed into his warm body. My cheeks warmed up along with my own body. My heart skipped a beat and butterflies invaded my stomach.
Why I’m feeling this way? It’s getting
“I missed you.” His breath tickling my ear, his voice husky.
“Why did you leave?” His arm pulling me more to his body until no more space was left between us.
“I-I had t-to…” I found my voice and replied.
“Why can’t you just stay with me? I want to be with you every time… I want you. I want you to be the first thing when I rise up and the last thing when I fall asleep.”
I want you…
His words. Oh my God! How can I describe? They affect me in the most different way. And my heart welled up with some unique, different emotions.
“I need to do work,” I whispered whilst releasing me from the hug.
I need to get out of here before I surrender myself in front of my feelings.
I headed towards my office without even glancing at him. I’m not ready yet.
I sat on my seat and placed my head in my hands.
Different emotions invading me.
“Edan! Why are you hurting me? Why are you making my heart feel again? Why are you making it difficult for me? Why me? I’m no more special… I’m just an ordinary girl with a horrible experience. I’m pure bad luck…” I cried. I cried remembering the past, remembering the hatred.
I didn’t notice anyone’s presence, I was busy in crying my heart out. I felt a firm grip on my arm and in a swift I was pulled up from my seat and into a hard muscular chest.
There was no need for me to see that person’s face because from that cologne, from the feeling that I was experiencing. I know right there who he was. It was the guy who is responsible for all of this, he was behind all my feelings.
“Hush!” He soothed my pain. His hands gently brushing my hair.
I hate him! I hate him for making me
feel again. I hate these feelings. I
don’t want to feel.
“Why Edan? Why me? Why had you chosen me to be a part of your love game? W-Why? W-What have I done? Why I’m the one suffering from this? Edan! Please make these feelings go away. Please… I’m begging you. I want to get rid of these feelings… Please leave me. There are probably a number of girls out there, even beautiful than me.” I cried in his shirt. My hands clenching his shirt tightly.
His breath fastens.
“E-Edan! They hurt me. I’m no good to you.” He didn’t reply, and my mouth; it won’t just stop now. My tongue rolling those words on its own accord. I can’t control my sentences, my words that were rolling on my tongue.
“Emma I can’t. I just can’t leave you. It hurts me to leave you. I can’t imagine myself without you now.” He kissed me gently on my head.
Why are you saying this? Why all
those heart clenching words, when
all you have to do is leave me in a
broken mess. Maybe not now, but I
know. I know you will start getting
irritated and annoyed gradually. And
then… And then you’ll leave me
hanging there in my own thoughts. I
“Edan! What am I to you? Am I just a pawn in your little love games? Am I just a time pass? Why? Why are you doing this to me? I know that love doesn’t exist for me. You will never get what you want from me. I’m just a broken mess. I may never be able to love you back… A-And I-I don’t deserve you. Back away Edan, before you regret this decision. I know there are thousands of girls out there and maybe…. maybe a girl of your dreams too. Who will love you in the same way as you will love her.”
These words were really hard for me to say. Especially the last ones. My heart constricted at the thought of him with other girls. But I know… I know it’s best for him. I want to see him happy, and that happiness… I just can’t give it to him.
I know he will regret this. And I need to stop it before its too late.
“So, please…..please just leave me….” His arms loosened around me and my heart shouted with anger, it started crying and shouting those words don’t leave me… Don’t leave
But I kept my mouth shut, it’s best
for him… It’s best for him…
Repeating those words again a and again in my mind like a spell as if I was afraid that I might surrender myself in front of my heart.
I was in an internal battle, a battle… No! A war. A war between my mind and heart. A war for Edan. A war between my inner true feelings and my forced feelings, that I had developed inside me, to protect me from falling again.
I waited for him to leave me, waited for him to tell me that I am right. I waited for him to take his decision. I waited for him to release me from his embrace and I waited… I don’t want to push myself from this embrace, this last embrace. I may never be able to see him again. So, I waited for him to take the first step.
But to my surprise, he didn’t leave me. His hands caressing my back. His touch feather-like, gentle, as if I was something fragile, something precious and he was afraid to break it. His lips touched on my head. My eyes got wide, shocked with the feeling that I was feeling.
His fingers gently held my chin and now I was looking straight into those blue eyes. I won’t be able to see them again. I won’t be able to see Edan again.
His next words shocked me. They twisted my heart in a totally different way.
“You want me to leave you? OK! I will leave you.” Oh No! Yes, I want that.
No! Emma! No! You want him. Don’t
let him leave you. Stop him… No. I want him to leave. It’s best for him…
“I’ll leave you…” Yes!
“But first look straight into my eyes and then tell me to leave. Tell me you hate me.” I can’t say it… My eyes locked in his. Grey against Blue.
“Say it. Say it that you don’t have even little feelings for me. Say that you are not affected by my each and every word. Say to my face that you don’t like me… Say it that you don’t feel the same way.” His eyes demanding the answers. I averted my eyes from his face.
I don’t know. I don’t know how to say
“No! Look straight into my eyes, don’t avert them and tell me all of this and then… Then I’ll promise you that I won’t ever come near you. I’ll leave you for good.”
Leave you for Good??? Won’t come
near you. I need to say those words, I don’t know how but I know I have to say them.
I looked straight into his eyes. I started saying those words.
Yes! I don’t feel the same way. Just
leave me and don’t ever come back. I
don’t like you.
Although these words were a complete lie but I need to say them.
I was saying those words but I couldn’t hear them and nor Edan. My tongue wasn’t allowing me to say those words. They were in my mind and I wasn’t able to say them. No matter, how hard I tried to say that lie but I wasn’t able to.
“Tell me, Emma!” His voice firm and demanding.
His eyes looking straight into my eyes. I could see anger, rage, hurt and some other thing which I couldn’t describe. I opened my mouth but no words came out.
I can’t say them. I just can’t… Tears streamed down my eyes. I can’t even stop these tears. I bit my lower lip to stop these stupid tears, to stop myself from crying but was of no use. I felt his warm hand on my right cheek and he wiped my tears with his thumb. His thumb drawing smooth circles on my skin.
I closed my eyes, my breath hinged up when I felt his lips on my eyes, first on right one and then on left one. His kisses gentle and light. I sighed. His hand still holding my cheek while his other hand around my waist.
“I have got my answer.” He said merely a whisper.
“I’m not leaving you. No matter how hard you try to get rid of me. I’m going to fight for you. You are not just a pawn of my game, nor a time pass. You are my everything. My life and my death. There is no one in this world compare to you. No one can compare with my Emma.” I didn’t open my eyes. It felt like a beautiful dream. And if it is then I don’t want to wake up.
“It’s you who don’t deserve me. I’m a bad a-s. A complete bastard. I have done many sins and you. You are like an Angel. Pure and clear as an angel. I’m like a devil and you are like an Angel. We are complete opposite but I’m not going to allow this to ruin the thing that we had. I’m going to fight for you. For us… ” My heart dancing with joy, with happiness, and with
Then I felt his lips on mine. It was short and a gentle kiss. It was different from previous kisses. None of us pushed for more. Only a slight touch of his lips and there I melted.
“Emma! I Love you. Don’t you dare assume anything about yourself. You are most valuable to me. You are my everything. My heartbeat, my breath, my air, my light, my life, my death.” I buried my head in his chest, my hands tightly gripping his shirt.
“You believe me. Right?” He questioned, whilst his arms tightened around my waist.
I believe you. I believe you Edan!
I simply nodded and buried my head deeper. My cheeks heating up at the little confession.
It’s true. I do believe him. I could sense sincerity in his every word.
Emma! Just for God Sake. Give it a
try. Let your feelings lead you.
Now. I’m going to surrender myself in front of my feelings.
I might end up happy or shattered
into pieces. But, I won’t regret
anything. I will be glad that I was
able to spend some time with him…
to be continued……